


Destiel is canon

by Anloquen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Essays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-04-27 12:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5047675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anloquen/pseuds/Anloquen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Destiel is so unique, because it's one of a few pairings (of "canonically not involved" characters) that are not limited to the realm of fanfiction. The relationship between Dean and Cas was often discussed by the authors of Supernatural, but what's even more interesting there are certain clues in the series that make you wonder... Perhaps the question "will Destiel become canon?" is pointless? I believe it is. I believe that Destiel is canon (and that a certain scene in Season 8 proves it, but we'll get to this). Let me present a series of essays - or rather unorganized thoughts - supporting this claim. Feel free to discuss. I'd love to hear what you think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Castiel's motivation

Castiel is presented as an internally conflicted character. His disobedience and growing mistrust of Heaven is one of the main threads developed throughout season 4. He discusses free will, the value of human life and condition of humanity with other angels or Dean. We see him deliberate and express doubt, finally we see him openly defy his superiors and become a rebel. There are four situations in which he is at crossroads and three times after an intellectual debate on deontological ethics he chooses to follow his liberal beliefs.  
  
Wait. Did I write “after an intellectual debate”?

I almost got tricked into believing that questions concerning ethics and free will were the root of the problem. Castiel’s struggle to reevaluate and reconstruct his world view is a good cover story, but still not good enough. If we take a closer look at each of the situations where the angel has to chose we see that Castiel’s motivation is very, very mundane and each time Dean is in the focal point.

First situation in which Castiel faces a choice takes place in a small town during Halloween, when a witch plans to rise Samhain. Two angels are sent to wipe out this town along with its inhabitants - 1214 of them, as Uriel accommodatingly reminds. There is a short, heated exchange in which Castiel fights his corner pretty firmly. He seems honestly convinced that destroying the city is not that bad of an idea. Bigger picture. Orders coming from Heaven. God’s plan being just. These are his words. What makes him change his mind and allow Sam and Dean to carry out their plan? Dean’s provocative cheep joke when he appeals to the angel’s ambition and self esteem. That’s right. Lives of 1214 people don’t matter in the face of bigger picture and just orders from Heaven. What matters is that if Castiel decides to purify the town, Dean will think badly of him.

The next dilemma is much more serious. The angel has to decide whether to interfere with God’s plan announced through His prophet. Castiel still believes that what is written cannot be unwritten - or more like shouldn’t, because it obviously can. He changes his mind and decides to help Dean prevent the union between Sam and Lilith after Dean resorts to emotional blackmail - something they will both use very often to influence each other. He threatens he won’t help Castiel if the angel ever needs him and leaves in a huff. Castiel relents immediately.

There is this shameful episode 4.20 in which Castiel is held captive and probably tortured or brainwashed in Heaven. Even when he refuses to reveal the secret of Lilith’s role in releasing Lucifer he focuses on Dean. “ I serve heaven, I don't serve man, and I certainly don't serve you.” These words are harsh, but they provide an insight into Castiel’s perspective. The fate of humanity is somewhere in the background. Ultimately it is all about Dean.

Finally we have the scene in the Green Room in which Dean and Cas have a violent argument. Many ethical issues are addressed, but again Castiel fends off Dean’s arguments without any difficulty. Intellectually he is convinced that the Apocalypse should be started - it should not be surprising given that it is written in the Bible. Apocalypse is not a cataclysm unleashed by Satan. It is the proper way to end the world; it is planned and wanted by God. He is also convinced that the Apocalypse will end Dean’s torment. “What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.” These are not excuses of someone who is too afraid or too powerless to act. Castiel sincerely believes that he’s doing the right thing.

Ultimately the angel decides to help Dean and again this decision is forced by emotional blackmail. The older Winchester turns his back at Castiel and threatens not to speak to him any more. Histrionic? Perhaps. Does it work? Oh yes, it does.

This is not how friends talk. Friends present their points, they try to convince each other and understand each other’s motivation. Emotional blackmail, huffs, drama, threats, making performances: these are hallmarks of relationships in which there is little space for reason, because emotions take over. I cannot decide whether Dean does it knowingly and I will not try to discuss his motivation here. What matters is that this kind of drama hits Castiel’s underbelly. He loses his head because he’s fallen for Dean (in every way imaginable).

Castiel decides to die for Dean. The way he acts and speaks makes it clear that he knows exactly what follows. He is worked up tense, yet focused and determined; he acts quickly in a kind of berserker’s trance. If he was human I’d say one could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He cuts his forearm unnecessarily deep and draws an unnecessarily large sigil. When Raphael comes after him Cas doesn’t seem surprised or afraid. He doesn’t know he would be resurrected, still he has no regrets. Let me put this straight: he is ready to die because a guy said he wouldn’t like him anymore if he didn’t. This is not reasonable. This is not an outcome of changing one’s value system after thorough reexamination of priorities. This is a behavior of a teenager in love.

One could argue that perhaps Castiel made all these choices having humanity in his mind and all his arguments with Dean so emotional and heated because a philosophical debate would be boring. In my opinion there is enough “philosophical debate” included in the show to prove that in fact Dean never actually convinced Castiel, at least in season 4.

If anyone doubts that it was always about Dean let the angel speak for himself:

“And I did it, all of it, for you”. “You” is both singular and plural. Castiel could mean humanity, all people in general. He would address them with “you” because he is not one of them.

“and you failed” all right, humanity did not fail. Casiel could mean the hunters in general, the Winchesters or the three men present in the room - Sam, Dean and Bobby.

“You and your brother destroyed the world.” The Winchester’s don’t have a brother. Bobby doesn’t have a brother. It makes it clear. Everything Castiel does, he does it for Dean. 


	2. Castiel's women

Castiel is cursed with a very specific gift: his charisma. This gift makes angels (and not only angels) stick to Cas even despite his express protests or his obvious incompetence as a leader. Creatures of various species follow him around like lost puppies; he cannot rid himself of lost souls begging for him to become their leader. He even grows on Crowley and their purely business dealings turn into something akin to "being each other's favorite enemy" . Castiel wins Gadreel loyalty in minutes, while the same angel was distrustful of Metatron, who excelled at making angels follow his lead.

  
There is another side of this gift. It's is a pussy magnet. You may like or not like Misha Collins portraying this character, nonetheless it is explicitly said that in SPN universum Castiel is insanely hot (which may be more than figurative, because apparently he is a Seraph - a being made of fire). There are pants dropping everywhere he goes. His conduct confirms it. Throughout seasons 4-10 he hooks up with 4 women (all right: a woman, a demon, a reaper and an angel). It looks like he can find a date within hours with one hand tied behind his back.  He doesn't even have to lift a finger - women stick to him anyway. Why then does he stay single (and chaste - but I'm getting ahead of myself) for so long?   
  
The answer is obvious when we take a closer look at timing.   
  
As Emmanuel he marries a woman in season 7 (it was a pretty precipitous marriage - the timeline reveals that the spouses couldn't have known each other for more than 9 months). Then, as Crazy!Cas he has this murky, confusing relationship with Meg.  
In season 9 Castiel has a one-night stand with a female reaper. One could argue that April seduced him in order to kill him, but she didn't really have to have sex with him. Human Castiel was homeless, hungry, lonely and dripping wet. She offered him shelter and food. It was quite enough to draw him into a trap. Sex was an entirely unplanned bonus she seemed to enjoy.  
In season 10 the relationship between Castiel and Hanna develops to such an extent that even the man married to Hannah's vessel is in a way involved.   
  
Why? Why are Castiel's romantic adventures limited to a period of a few months in season 7 and then burgeon in season 9 and 10? I believe it is because these were the only periods of time when Castiel was single.

In season 6 things get pretty rough between Dean and Cas which results in their first breakup. Castiel tries to make amends, but Dean refuses to accept his apology. Though heartbroken, Cas is free to have another partnrer.

Admittedly Emmanuel has no reservations against marrying Daphne because he does not remember who he really is and he obviously does not remember Dean. Later, however, Castiel remembers. He allows Meg closer because he realizes that Dean will not forgive him; that Dean is lost to him.

Then, he detects a note of forgiveness (and can't hold back an adorable grin) in Dean. Our favorite couple tries to get back together, which takes place in the Purgatory. In season 8 Naomi's intervention puts their newly regained trust in each other to the test; they fail and in break up for good. From then on Castiel is free to engage in relationships (or immoral misconduct) with whomever he wants.  

  
There are two more things I'd like to analyze more carefully:   
  
Castiel's virginity is the first of them. In the face of what I have just written it seems unbelievable that the angel remained a virgin for roughly 400 million years (in "The man who would be King" we learn that Castiel was an angel-child when first vertebrates crept out of the ocean; Ichtyostega - first "walking fish"- appears in the fossil record about 360 million years ago). 

  
There is one explanation that is in accordance with Judeo-Christian lore and with SPN universum. Castiel says that angels are "here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years". From another episode we learn that an angel is a "multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent". Angels that are not possessing a vessel are bodiless. Castiel has not possessed a vessel for at least 2000 years. Perhaps inhabiting Jimmy's body is his first ride ever (infering from the fact that he has no clue how to treat a body - it takes him some time to grasp certain basic ideas such as combing hair or buttoning a shirt). We can safely assume that Castiel has spent the majority of his life as a bodiless, spiritual being. It is extremely difficult to imagine sex between multidimensional wavelengths of celestial intent, so indeed there was no occasion for Cas to be deflowered.    

  
The second explanation of Castiel's nervousness when Dean asks about his sexual experience is much more interesting, though far less plausible. 

Imagine a situation in which you:  
\- are in love with a person of the same gender  
\- you don't know if this person is attracted to people of the same gender, although he/she has been making innuendos suggesting that he/she might be bisexual or gay   
\- this person specifically asks about your sexual experience with opposite gender (Dean doesn't ask if Castiel has had sex' he asks if Cas has been with a woman)  
Wouldn't you flush and nervously rub the back of your neck, then snap at the person, giving him/her a curt answer in order to end this embarrassing conversation in any way?

   
There is one scene supporting this explanation. When Castiel talks to Crowley about human sexuality, he does not seem embarrassed at all. Perhaps during his "last night on Earth" he was so funky not because of mentioning sex, but because it was Dean asking?c Perhaps Castiel suspected that Dean's question might have had a hidden agenda; That Dean was trying to spy out the land and indirectly ask if Cas was, by any chance, gay?    
   
  
Castiel's relationship with Meg is the second interesting thread. In her last moments he refers to Castiel as her unicorn. It is a parallel to Sam's feelings for Amelia. The first layer of this parallel is, of course, the depth of Sam's feeling and Amelia's unavailability. They could never be together because of Sam's occupation... could they?  
The subject of Sam's and Dean's inability to form a stable relationship will recur. Let me simply note that there are hunter couples or even hunter families. Of course Sam and Dean are in a specific situation (saving the world once a year on average does not allow for much downtime), but it is possible for a hunter to have a wife or at least try.

  
Moreover, Sam and Amelia try to get back together even after Dean's return from the Purgatory, when Sam gets back to hunting. It is not his occupation that finally tears them apart. It's Amelia's husband (that has been pronounced dead) returning.    
So what exactly is an unicorn in this case? It is a person you deeply love; a person with whom you've had a brief romance; a person that is unavailable because his/her legitimate partner comes back and they try to work their relationship out.

  
It all adds up. Meg was in love with Castiel. They spent much time together when she was taking care of him in the mental ward. Later, when Dean and Cas get back together in the Purgatory, Meg has to give up on her beloved angel. As if it was not enough, Dean and Castiel get back from the dead (just like Amelia's husband got back from the dead) to top the parallel up. Castiel is Meg's unicorn: someone she loves; someone she can't have because he is in a turbulent, but long-term relationship with someone else.      
     


	3. Dean's women

Today's essay might seem a bit controversial. I'd like to point out that I do not intend to lecture anyone or impose any beliefs concerning gender or sexuality on anyone. I generally agree that there is a spectrum of human sexuality, masculinity and femininity; that love and beauty come in all colors and shapes. Nonetheless it does not rule out the existence of extremities on the spectrum and today I'd like to focus on them.

OK, let's get down to business.

Dean's and Sam's attitude towards women is influenced by their childhood to some degree, although I believe that there were two moments that account for the difference between the Winchesters. They both grew up without a mother and they both spent most of their lives with their father - an ex marine, a hunter, a man of rigid value system, a textbook case of a manly man. It had to leave a mark on their emotionality and their view on men and women. Nonetheless Sam seems more at peace with his own masculinity and gets along with women quite well, while Dean is a walking talking Playboy ad - so embedded in stereotypes about masculinity that sometimes it becomes grotesque.

I think that the period Sam spent in Stanford had a great impact on him, expanding his horizons and getting him used to all shapes and flavors of human sexuality. He got to know many "normal" people: not hunters, not soldiers. He certainly met women that were more than motherly figures or sexual objects; that he could be friends with. He met men who did not hang on to their masculinity and were not touchy about it; men who found nothing wrong in healthy food, stylish clothing, having pets or watching romantic comedies. He met couples who were not only lovers, but also best friends with a lot in common: interests, hobbys and favorite ways of spending free time. Dean never had this experience. All he ever knew was world divided into hunters (who were cocky die-hards no matter their gender) and "civilians", who fell into three categories: people you had to talk to in order to solve a case, people you could hook up with and people with whom you had nothing to do.

Winchester's attitude towards their parents is another interesting point. We know that Dean was always unconditionally loyal to his father - both in deed and in thought. He called him a superhero and executed every order without hesitation. Sam, on the other hand, was dubious and rebellious. Perhaps this difference rooted from the fact that Dean knew his mother and was old enough to understand the cause and effect link between her death and John becoming a strict coach rather than a caring father. Sam did not remember Mary; he was too young to consciously love her. The situation in which he had to grow up was something given, something random. Rationally he could understand reasons that led to such a situation, but emotionally there was no justification.

 

We learn that Dean has nothing against sexual objectification of women. He is enthusiastic about strippers and cheerleaders; he has no reservation against staring at asses of high school students. He has an erotic dream about prostitutes performing in a "lesbian" duet. As if it was not enough, prostitutes in his dream are wearing costumes - this is a double depersonalizing masquerade: they not only pretend to be lesbians making love to each other, they also pretend to be lesbians who pretend to be someone else. It seems that Dean enjoys being around cute sexy girls, but he fails to see human in them.

It might be caused by his lifestyle and mentality. He simply does not understand typical women. He has nothing to do with them. He likes to spend his free time watching geeky movies, drinking, playing pool or darts and he would not give it up for anyone. He is obsessed with his car and would not accept a woman that would be jealous about the amount of time, money and care he invests in the Impala. It's impossible for him to "have a connection" with a woman unless she also likes geeky stuff, red meat, whiskey, fixing cars and shooting. He is from Mars and simply does not speak Venusian. He has no idea what one could do with a woman besides having sex.

There are only three women he respects, despite being sexually involved with them: Lisa, Jo and Anna. There is also a woman he respects without being sexually involved and it is because they have much in common. Charlie's attitude towards women is much like Dean's and to certain extent she is presented as a masculinised woman. She likes geeky stuff (just like Dean) and she likes to "score" women (just like Dean).

Jo and Anna also have much in common with Dean, although in a different way. They're both fighters: Jo is a hunter in every way - she is courageous, uncomplicated and tough (and holds her liquor pretty well). Anna, despite her petite appearance, is a soldier. She has fought in battles so vicious and bloody that battlefields were scattered with wounded angels begging for coup de grace. Neither of these women fit the stereotype of calm, emotional, caring and irrational women. Neither of them is interested in fashion, cooking, celebrities or kittens. Neither of them could be a dehumanized sexual object for Dean.

He has only one serious relationship with a woman who fits the stereotype to some degree. Lisa is a typical single mother, spending her time on practicing yoga, decorating her house, taking care of her son, cooking and chatting with her female friends. Nonetheless Dean grows to care for her. I think that the way their reunion is shown explains a lot.

For Dean Lisa is mainly Ben's mother and he respect her for that. It is the boy's behavior that strikes Dean and makes him want to protect these two and get closer to them. Like every other movie or TV show SPIN uses a certain language to infuse certain events with meaning. In "The kids are all right" Dean does not contemplate his life watching Lisa. He is focused on Ben. The camera doesn't shows shots of Lisa in slow motion with emotional music in the background. It shows Ben. At first Dean believes he might be Ben's father, but even when Lisa denies it, he does not lose interest in him. He immediately finds a connection with the boy - as his pupil, "mini-me", mentee, but also as his friend; a boy who experiences his boyhood just like Dean did. They have much in common and enjoy each other's company. Later he preserves this sentiment for the boy even when his relationship with Lisa ends.

 

Why did I analyze Dean's attitude towards women? Next update will explain it.


	4. Dean's bisexuality

There are several great, insightful and well written essays exploring Dean's bisexuality. Let me just quickly recapitulate the most relevant observations listed in them (links to original essays are listed below):

1)A bunch of cliches and stereotypes

There seems to be a number of popular convictions about gay/bisexual men. Some of them might be ridiculous. There might be a grain of truth in others. I'm in no position to decide whether any of them is true, but that's not the point - even if they are all just misconception, SPN authors may have based their script on these misconceptions as long as they serve to provide communication between an author and the recipients. Remember that SPN operates with a language of symbols and stereotypes just like any movie or series.

Is Dean overcompensating? A hunter of course has to chose durable, comfortable clothes. Nonetheless, Sam is a hunter too, but his clothes are more random and sporty, while Dean's clothes seem to be handpicked in order to convey a message. They are a stronghold of his masculinity.

There is one thought-provoking scene in "Playthings". After meeting the gazzilionth person that thought Dean and Sam were a couple Dean asks his brother why people always assume they are gay. Sam responds "Well, you are kinda butch. Probably think you're overcompensating". From other quarrels between Winchesters we learn that they can be cruel for each other, so Sam wouldn't refrain from touching his brother's raw nerve. The script explicitly calls for a "forced laugh" as Dean's reaction. It is not an overinterpretation by fans who actively seek proofs of Dean's bisexuality.

Did you notice Dean's jewelry? His necklace is an important keepsake, but the ring and the bracelet are never mentioned. They simply look nice. It's strange that Dean strives to look pretty at the same time trying to look like he couldn't care less. Moreover, Dean obviously pays much attention to shoes. He recognizes Dr Sexy as a trickster by his shoes. He describes Cas as "yay big, trench coat, sensible shoes". He seems torn between an urge to look nice and a conviction that a manly man does not look nice.

It is a common belief that lesbians and gay men are best friends. Dean's intimacy with Charlie could have something to do with this. Charlie's body language and attitude during her first encounter with Castiel is also meaningful. She hugs him and immediately obtrudes with behavior that is reserved for best friends: offensive jokes ("I thought you'd be taller"), fist-bumping his shoulder. She even says she considers Cas and herself best friends. It's almost like she knows how far she can go because, well... she's heard enough from Dean.

Besides these major threads the whole show (especially season 8) is ridden with jokes and allusions to homosexuality: those of you who want to find out more about season 8 and its importance will certainly enjoy the third article I linked.

2) Gaydar

Countless characters in SPN think Dean is gay. A vampire in particular think Dean is gay or bisexual: a 600-year-old vampire certainly has a well-tuned gaydar. There is an increasing number of studies that indicate that gaydar is not a myth; especially non-straight people are god at assessing other's sexuality.

One could agrue that this gaydar falsely positive alarms are triggered by the fact that Dean and Sam always travel and rent rooms together. Still, there are a few jokes and mix-ups based only on an assumption that Dean is gay without mentioning Sam. Later the focus of those jokes shifts (Crowley, Balthazar and Meg insinuate that Dean and Cas are a couple), but Dean remains a common denominator.

 

3) There are 3 situations in which Dean is hit on by a man. His reaction is different in each case.

When the brothers meet in an elevator in "A terrible life", not knowing that they are brothers, Sam asks "do I know you?". Dean immediately assumes that Sam is hitting on him and declines; he repeats his refusal later. Does this scene really indicate Dean is straight? Not really. Not being into one guy does not rule out being into guys in general. However, the scene does indicate that being hit on by a ma is not an uncommon occurrence to Dean. The idea was somewhere very close to his consciousness, ready to pop-up. Admittedly "do I know you" is a common way to start a conversation that later turns into flirtation, but it is not a blatant pick up line. There may have been many reasons for Sam to say it. The fact that flirtation was the first explanation that came to Dean's mind means something.

Boris, a 600-year-old vampire quite openly attempts to seduce Dean. Winchester does not seem delighted either and to be honest that does not surprise me. Firstly, Boris is a vampire. A disgusting, blood-sucking supernatural creature. Secondly, when they meet Dean has been just showered with hobnails-whips-Village People-leather caps-latex-and-makeup gayness and he associates it all with vampires. Such a combo would turn anyone's stomach.

There is one scene that clearly shows Dean can react in differently. When Aaron Bass, the owner of a Golem, hits on Dean the hunter is fidgety, but delighted. He declines, nonetheless he grins and simpers while talking to Aaron. Later, when Bass explains he was pretending Dean is visibly disappointed.

Moreover, it's not uncommon for Dean to hit on guys. Admittedly he is drunk when he macks on a young policeman in 4x06, but... in vino veritas.

Notice how Sam grabs Dean and pulls him out of the police station as soon as Dean starts to simper. He knows his brother; he knows he has to stop this adorable moment before the flirtation gets too obvious.

Then there is Ranger Rick... There is nothing alarming in what Dean says, but come on, you can't suggestively rub your own index finger with the other hand while staring a guy in the eyes.

He also flirts with Cas. He flirts with Cas from the very beginning. There is a deleted part from the scene of their first encounter available on youtube in which Dean asks why Castiel hasn't appeared earlier. The angel explains it was difficult to find a body durable enough to contain him. Dean responds "yeah, I have the same problem with women".  _Hey, I've just met you and this is crazy, but let me casually inform you that I've got a huge bratwurst, so call me maybe..._

4)Is Dean a homophobe?

Dean's outraged when he stumbles upon Wincest fanfiction, but I have an impression that what irritates him is the fact that fans who ship Sam and him are aware of their kinship. He is much less indignant when people mistake Sam and him for a couple not knowing they are brothers. He is clearly against incest, but mentioning homosexuality or even his own gay relationships doesn't rise his hackles that much. When he hears about Destiel, he seems embarrassed or anxious rather than angry. The same pattern is clearly visible in 10x05. The "bowel movement" scene when actresses portraying Sam and Dean stand too close to each other clearly makes the real Dean angry - so angry that he yells at teenage girls. However, when he sees Siobhan and Kristen that play Dean and Cas hug, he seems rather confused and abashed or even terrified, but not angry.

One may argue that his reaction to Chief in a gay club suggests homophobia. I'd veer towards an opinion that it was oversexualization and the black latex costume that Dean found disgusting. BDSM is still a controversial practice and some people may dislike it, which has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

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Bibliography (I apologize for including no links - I am a bit paranoid about the site's no-spam policy):

"Destiel and Dean's bisexuality explained" by Theboondocksisters

"Gaydar targets Dean" by Lurea

"On season 8's build up to Dean being openly bisexual" posted on rebloggy com


	5. Dean's type

P.S. to pre-previous mini-essay (#3 Dean's women)

I'd like to thank blackamethyst923 from fanfiction. net for her wonderful review she sent me via PM. She reminded me about another important woman in Dean's life - Cassie. Blackamethyst923 explained that their relationship cannot be neglected for two reasons.

Firstly, Cassie is the first woman with whom Dean has a serious, intimate relationship. She admits she has pictured her future with him. He respects her enough to reveal his real occupation. Their relationship ends with a misunderstanding - Cassie assumes Dean has lied to her in order to get rid of her. What matters is that Dean is convinced that Cassie left because she does not want to have anything to do with a hunter. It confirms his belief that a normal relationship is unattainable for a hunter.

Secondly, Cassie has several characteristics that make her so desirable for Dean that he cares for her so much and is so in love with her. I believe that listing them can explain a lot about Dean's preferences.

While rewatching Route 666 I could not resist an impression that Cassie was a female version of Dean. They dress alike, they carry themselves in a very similar way. There are these little gestures: The way Cassie cocks her head and opens her arms when she's angry. The way she sticks her hands to the back pockets of her jeans. They way she swings from calm to angry, then to sad. The way gets irritated when Dean takes a chick-flick moment too far ("we done with this metaphor?"). She even wears a ridiculously chunky silver ring.

The fact that Cassie was so important for Dean indicates that Dean prefers a soul mate rather than an opposite to complete him. Rather a modern partnership than a yin-and-yang type of relationship.

Cassie is also an example of an exotic woman. Blackamethyst923 pointed out that Dean seems to like unusual partners - starting from Busty Asian Beauties. Apart from Jo every woman that appealed strongly to Dean was unique, both physically and mentally. Bella is a thief; a femme fatale. Anna is an angel. The Amazonian woman who gave him a daughter is... well, an Amazon. Dean seems turned on even by the familiar, who switches between two forms: a black Doberman pinscher and an Afro-American woman. Let me just advert his erotic dream once again: prostitutes dressed as an angel and a devil performing a lesbian duet. Although "lesbian porn" grows more and more popular, it is still kinda non-normative.

The scene from "The End" in which Dean confesses he wore pink satin panties once and "kinda liked it" sparked off a debate on Dean's preferences. I do not agree that this scene should be listed as a proof of Dean's bisexuality. Transvestism has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Still, this revelation proves something else: that Dean is generally open minded when it comes to experimenting in the bedroom. Perhaps even "kinda" kinky - which takes us directly to the last part of this mini-essay. Dean's kinks.

Wing Kink 

Wing kink has been exploited so often that it has become a fanfiction cliche. There is not much evidence that Dean has an inclination towards feathery appendages. Still, there might be something to it if by "wing kink" one means a more general fascination with the nature and abilities of an angel. Dean fell for Anna pretty quick; their brief romance was intense and ardent.

What's more, I cannot get the first encounter between Castiel and Dean out of my head. It is immensely erotic. Castiel enters the barn preceded by tempestuous wind and lightning that announce something powerful. One can clearly see that Dean is equally mesmerized and terrified, while Bobby seems to be rather healthily alarmed. After Castiel spreads his wings Dean stands inarticulate for solid 10 seconds - with his mouth open, breathing heavily.

There is another supernatural ability of the angel: his perspicacity that allows him to tackle Dean's biggest insecurity. His words "you don't think you deserve to be saved" blow Dean's mind. The whole scene introduces Castiel (or an angel in general?) as someone who can appeal to Dean and to Dean only; who appeals to him in a way that leaves Dean spellbound, disarmed and breathless.

Uniform Kink 

As I have mentioned above, there are 2 men Dean openly hits on. They are both typical manly men, but they have another thing in common. They both wear uniforms. It might mean little, but it cast a new light on a scene I could not understand until this uniform kink idea popped into my mind.

After Castiel comes back from purgatory and makes himself presentable, Dean is smitten by the view. It arouses him so much that he starts to squirm on his chair and does something with his legs that funnily resembles hiding an erection. On second thought... No, this gesture does not funnily resemble hiding an erection. It is what it looks like. For weeks I've been wondering how on Earth could he find a trench coat sexy. Even if it is worn by a person he loves more than life, a trench coat is the antithesis of sexy. Unless...

Castiel has looked the same for years. He is a soldier. Especially in early episodes he behaves, walks and talks like a soldier. What if Dean's brain simply started to interpret Castiel's ensemble - which is official in an elegant, manly way and has a "uniformish" set of colors - as Castiel's uniform?

There is one more scene that could be interpreted in a way that confirms my observation. After Castiel's apparent death in season 7 Dean fishes his trench coat from the lake, folds it and holds it exactly the way a flag is held and handled on a soldier's funeral. There's even a special shot showing only Dean's hands on the coat. What do you think?

_...and yes, that would mean Dean is Castiel's widow in season 7. Thank you, boondocksisters (link below). May I lay down and cry now?_

Affinity to supernatural creatures 

In early seasons Dean seems to share Gordon's belief that every supernatural creature should be eliminated. His point of view is challenged when he learns that his little brother is - at least partially - a supernatural creature. As the series develops Dean's world view changes. By the end of season 10 non-humans prevail among his acquaintances. He gets along well not only with supernatural creatures, but also psychics and other people who deal with the manifestations of the immaterial world.

The chemistry seems to be reciprocated. Even beings as powerful and eternal as Death find Dean amusing and grow fond of him. Cain believes Dean to be the only person worthy of the mark that has lived in thousands of years. Dean's relations with supernatural creatures are sometimes bumpy, but they seem more humane and sincere than his relations with people. Perhaps it is so because supernatural creatures "have a little thing called integrity". Perhaps Dean can relate to their feeling of exclusion or being a social mismatch; their lack of full understanding of the human world; inability to predict people. Perhaps it is Dean's accumulating experience of being non-human (he is half-dead, then dead, he is a vampire, a demon, a bearer of the Mark of Cain) distances him from the human world and allows him to develop deep understanding of supernatural beings.

I am even wondering if one could put Tessa on the list of Dean's women. At first she tricked Dean into believing that she was a spirit of a brain-dead woman, but later there seems to be the same affinity and chemistry between them even though Dean is perfectly aware of her nature. Flirtation with a Reaper is certainly advanced supernatural.

One random thought that goes nowhere else 

There is another discovery I've made recently. To be honest I am not sure what to do with it yet. It may mean little, it may make a tremendous difference.

As I have pointed out above each of Dean's women is exotic and unique, except for Jo. She is a hunter, but for a Winchester being a hunter is nothing exceptional. She does have a certain characteristic, though, that could make her special for Dean.

She looks exactly like young Mary Winchester. The same figure, the same hairstyle, the same eyebrows and smile, the same shade of skin, the same way of carrying herself. The only difference is that Jo has brown eyes.

Mary Winchester's eyes have the same gunmetal shade of blue as Castiel's.


	6. Dean's men

There are many shades of gray. Bisexuals differ in the level of physical attraction they feel for each of the sexes, but they also differ in attitudes, habits and beliefs. For some bisexuals the partnter's gender has no importance - they love the player, not the team. Some tend to form long-term relationships with people of the opposite sex despite having numerous affairs or one-night-stands with members of their own sex - perhaps due to social acceptance for mixed relationships or their own beliefs. Some others find it difficult to form a relationship with a person of the opposite sex. Such a person feels that he or she is out of sync with the partner; they don't have common interests, they don't understand each other's emotions, they can't find ways of spending free time that would be enjoyable for both partners. Sometimes these bisexuals are strongly attracted to the opposite sex, yet they tend to form stable, long-term relationships with their own kind, even if the chemistry is not that strong.

Let's consider the factors. If Dean meets the conditions listed below, I believe he is bound to have a long-term relationship with a man.

1) problems with having healthy relationships with women because the lack of mutual understanding or a real interest in "their world"

2) physical attraction to males, even the slightest

3) emotional need or readiness for involvement

I hope I convinced you that Dean meets first two conditions listed above. Now let me consider the last one.

I think it stands to reason that Dean is not looking for a partner intentionally. He believes it is impossible for a hunter to have a family or a healthy relationship. Nonetheless he may have needs and dreams he doesn't even register.

Whenever I think about Dean - about his personality, mentality, emotionality - I cannot stop myself from imagining a person who has run for very long and is just a step away from falling. He's been living under inhumane pressure. He's been trained by his father to be a pillar of strength, a superhuman war machine, a selfless guardian, an ideal of masculinity. He was stripped of childhood, of security, even of an emotional, forgiving relationship with his only parent. He is so used to being in danger and in pain that he doesn't even register it anymore. He is exhausted beyond imagination, nonetheless he goes on bleeding and pushing the limits.

Despite Dean's playfulness and tendency to fool around the moments when Dean is truly happy are rare. These are the moments when he feels safe; when the burden of worries is lifted from his shoulders or at least there is an illusion of peace. Interactions with people who do not depend on him and whom he does not have to protect bring him real, carefree joy.

Perhaps he does not need a relationship, but he certainly need a trustworthy, strong, caring person; someone he could lean on. He is in such a desperate need for someone like this that he becomes intimate with such people almost immediately. Of course sometimes he is mistaken, sometimes he overestimates the person in question or simply the situation changes. What is important is the "relative rapidity" of befriending such people, indicating that they fill a huge emotional gap. It seems that there is huge void somewhere in Dean's heart. Whoever comes close to it gets pulled in.

Gordon, the vampire hunter Winchesters meet in season 2, is a very important character for many reasons. Casting light on Dean's insecurity and loneliness is one of them.

Although there is nothing alarmingly sexual in way they talk and behave around each other, I think Dean experiences something that can be classified as a "platonic infatuation". The way Gordons wins his trust and affection resembles blitzkrieg. Dean is mesmerized; he loses his head; he turns against his beloved brother.

Sometimes young people experience this kind of a crush on an older person of the same gender. They perceive that person as an idealized version of themselves, someone they'd love to become. At the same time they often see a guardian and mentor in that person. They adore this person so much that they find any imperfection hard to believe. Gordon's conduct finally breaks the spell and Dean realizes how self-righteous and dumb the hunter really is. His veneration turns into hate. The intensity of it as well as Dean's need to retaliate (for what?) shows how deeply he was hurt by this imaginary betrayal - by allowing himself to believe Gordon was someone else. Someone he could love.

Dean's siren perhaps isn't a candidate for a partner or a best friend, but he is someone whose company Dean can enjoy without constantly worrying. The man can fend for himself. Dean may sit back and relax knowing that a trained FBI agent will not require protection even if the things start to get ugly. They appear to like the same music and cars. Dean feels relaxed and safe when he is accompanied by the siren. This is enough for him to develop affection and trust (and I mean the situation before Dean was poisoned).

Up to some point Charlie gives Dean the feeling of safety too. On one hand he instinctively cares for her, seeing a younger sister in her. On the other hand he is aware that Charlie is strong, cunning, intelligent and brave. She explains she has fended for herself and managed to get herself out of serious trouble several times. Dean has no reservation against putting her in danger. He seems to trust that she is not only willing to help them fight Dick Roman, but also capable of carrying out her dangerous mission. Later, their encounter at the renaissance fair is one of the happiest moments in Dean's life not only because of all the "geeky stuff", costumes and LARPing, but also because Charlie is there to help them with the hunt; to take at least part of the burden from Dean's shoulders.

Benny wins Dean's trust and affection immediately. He is not only loyal and honest, but also strong: both in flesh and in mind. Physically he is not only a tall, well built man, but also a powerful supernatural creature. He has the perseverance required to quit hunting humans and the courage needed to stand up to his kind. However, when Benny hits his low and asks for help, Dean gives up on him. He realizes he can't cope with another liability. Of course guilt starts to gnaw at him immediately, yet he doesn't catch up with the vampire.

Castiel seems to be such a person for Dean as well, but I will write more about him in my next mini-essay.


	7. Is Castiel the one?

P.S. To the mini-essay about Dean's bisexuality.

I'd like to thank elle4 for her PM in which she reminded me that there is one more proof of Dean's bisexuality. In the episode in which Bobby and Dean play poker and bet years instead of money, Dean looks for a man who was rejuvenated after he won a game. He finds him in a brothel and lifts a bed cover to take a look at the man's "birthmark". He rises his eyebrows in approval and comments that the two girls the man was with are lucky. Of course he did not mean that the birthmark was pretty or anything like this :)

While I'm at it, I'd like to thank all of you that care to comment or write PMs. They kickstart my brain. I really appreciate your time and effort.

P.P.S

I've just remembered a conversaton between Crowley and Dean in 10X01 in which Crowley mentions doing "extraordinary things to the triplets". Does it mean they had a fivesome? If so, then it means that - well, Dean not exactly slept with Crowley, but these two were involved in a sexual activity in the same place at the same time.

Earlier, Dean has sex with a girl on Crowley's bed and then walks naked in front of the demon.

Thoughts?

* * *

 

Now let's get down to business:

Part one:

Dean believes Castiel is the one

There is another reason it would be difficult for Dean to form a stable relationship with anyone but a strong, reliable fighter. The older Winchester is extremely protective of the ones he cares for - up to the point of trying to expel them from his life. In his attempts to do so he seldom takes the feelings or plans of person's in question into consideration.

Dean believes that he is bad luck; not only hunter's life is dangerous, but he himself poses an even greater threat. He makes several attempts to protect Sam even by tricking him; in early seasons he would stoop to lies and manipulations in order to keep his little brother safe It takes him some time to accept Sam as his equal. He erases himself from Lisa's and Ben's life. He cannot forgive himself for failing to push Kevin and Charlie far enough.

The only type of person Dean could really accept in his life is someone strong enough to endure his "curse". Someone he could be completely honest with, without the need to lie in order to protect that person.

There are several scenes that prove Dean has this trust in Castiel. I will try to discuss whether this trust is justified in this mini-essay, but I'll get to it later. First, I will try to demonstrate is that Dean believes Cas to be someone he can rely on.

It begins with a seemingly meaningless quarrel during their second encounter. Dean slags Castiel down for not helping him with Witnesses risen from their graves. In an emotional outburst he snaps "You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest." Isn't it surprising to hear these words from a guy who never ever complains? It proves that from the very beginning Dean assumes Castiel will provide much needed protection and relief.

Later, when Castiel is brainwashed or tortured in heaven and consequently refuses to reveal an important piece of information to Dean, the hunter doesn't give up trying. Despite Castiel's harsh words ("I certainly don't serve you") he prays to his angel and asks for his help, as if he was convinced that Castiel will change his mind; that it is just a matter of time. As if he refused to believe that his Cas could abandon him.

The _last night on Earth_  scene before summoning Raphael is funny, but also very meaningful. Castiel confesses that he is convinced he will not survive a confrontation with the archangel. Dean does not seem worried. Perhaps he simply doesn't care.

Can you imagine Dean not caring that someone he knows will die? I can't. He has always been pushing the limits and doing his damnedest to save people, even strangers. Any death among his friends or acquaintances leaves him broken. I believe he is unimpressed by Castiel's cassandrian revelation because he does not even consider it could come true. Of course he pretends he believes Castiel because he already knows the inevitable outcome of any attempt to reason with the angel - Castiel loves grim, bombastic speeches. He loves to welter in drama. Instead of trying to convince Cas that there is hope, Dean takes him to a whorehouse to cheer him up. The hunter is relaxed and cheerfull. Nothing beclouds his happiness. He is absolutely certain that Castiel will defeat an archangel. That's what I call having faith in somebody.

Much happens in "The End" - the Croatoan alternate universe. One may argue that it was a vision produced by Zachariah, but even if it was so, it had to be tailored to fit Dean's expectations or fears.

On the morning of the day Dean kills the devil the leader explains his plan to his friends. Risa expresses her doubt. If you care to find this scene on youtube, just look at Cas's face. He bears a pained, compassionate expression and looks directly at the woman. He isn't surprised. He knows. He has probably known for some time that Dean would use his friends as decoys if the situation required it (even though Dean reevaluates the plan after they arrive, it must have been an option he has considered from the beginning). It hurts Cas that he can't reveal the truth because it would ruin Dean's plan.

My guess is that Dean and him have talked this through and therefore Cas knows exactly what to do - e.g. to keep his mouth shut, which is not exactly a natural thing to do for him. It is highly probable that Castiel has to sacrifice himself to assure the others that there is no hidden agenda in Dean's order. They might suspect that the Fearless Leader could use them as decoys and this suspicion might result in insubordination. Still, they cannot believe that Dean could sacrifice his lover (or more like husband - I'm a firm believer of the theory presented by Lurea in her essay "Future!Dean and Cas are lovers and the whole camp knows it"). Therefore, they think that if Dean entrusts Cas with a mission, it is relatively safe.

Do you imagine the level of trust and respect for each other it takes to even have such a conversation? There are really few moments when Dean doesn't ignore someone's free will in order to protect that person; when he accepts his or her sacrifice. This in one of such moments. He believes his friend (or husband) is strong enough to make this decision voluntarily and take the consequences. Other members of the group are more like unavoidable collateral damage - the Fearless Leader has to lie to them. Perhaps he does so because he doesn't think they would carry out their mission if they knew the truth. He talks to Cas openly, on the other hand. He accepts Castiel's self-immolation that is made willingly and consciously.

One well thought-out scene takes place when Dean and Sam are planning to kill Dick Roman. There are very important words Dean says. When Castiels explains he believes he is cursed, Dean responds that he is bad luck too. He immediately finds a parallel between Castiel's worries and his own. Despite all this - Castiel's instability and his own curse - he asks Cas to join him. He accepts the risk.

I'd like to focus on the wording here. _"I'm not good luck, Dean" "Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?"_  Dean compares his situation to Castiel's situation in two ways. There is a parallel between Castiel's "I'm not good luck" and Dean's "I seem good luck to you?" and Castiel being "cursed" and Dean being "cursed". This dialogue is asking for a third line to complete it and as usually it is left unspoken (SPN makers love to do it). Dean repeated Castiel's confession. It is time for Castiel to repeat Dean's declaration. "I'd rather have you, cursed or not". We don't hear Cas say it, but we know he accepted Dean's request and joined him in his hunt for Dick Roman.

The scene of finding the angel tablet is the most Destiel scene one can imagine. As most of you probably know, the original script included Dean saying "I love you". At first the fact the authors decided to change the line to "I need you" seemed disappointing; it somehow weakened the message and stripped the scene of its meaning. I'd like to try to prove that it can be interpreted otherwise.

What does it mean to love? Of course it includes needing someone's presence, but it also includes caring and wanting the loved ones to be happy and safe. Whenever Dean cares for someone, he tries to push that person away to keep him or her safe. He lies and manipulates, or even uses supernatural powers as in Lisa's case. His attitude is more fatherly than open for real partnership. He cares for his close ones more than he respects them or needs them. He is protective, but not honest. It's more like he finds it his duty to keep them out of danger and even if he misses their presence afterwards, the parting does not affect him gravely.

Yet he cannot do it with Castiel. Dean's words mean _I need you in my life, I'm weak without you, I'm less than myself without you_. He is completely honest with Castiel and reveals his weakness. Dean, the always-okay, invulnerable, fearless, like-water-off-the-duck's-back Dean reveals he is weak and helpless. His plea is not an attempt to manipulate. It is a sincere confession:  _Help me. I'm so lost without you that I don't even have the strength to push you away. Be with me even if it means we'll keep harming each other, because I can't go on. Accept the pain we may cause to each other, because if you don't, I'll fall apart._

Some say that real love means giving your beloved a weapon that can kill you and hoping he/she won't use it.

Doesn't it sound a little bit more soul-stirring now?

Part two:

Castiel isn't the one

There is one more aspect of this blind faith Dean has in Castiel. As the story develops we learn that Castiel ruins almost everything he touches. He is kind-hearted, but tragically naive and inept, which results in his countless screw-ups. He lies to Dean about his cooperation with Crowley and attempts to open Purgatory. He lies about his reasons to stay in Purgatory. He lies about Rowena. He falls in a trap set by Lucifer which leaves Dean, Sam, Ellen and Jo defenseless against hellhounds which eventually leads to Ellen and Jo's death. He lets Charlie escape, which leads to her death. There is a moment when Dean says " if anybody else - I mean anybody - pulled that kind of crap, I would stab them in their neck on principle ". Why doesn't he stab Cas? There is only one possible reason: "because it's Cas."

This situation is extreme, but not that far fetched as one may think. There are situations in real life in which one person is so blindly, so slavishly devoted to another that he or she strives to find justification for every let down he or she experiences. There are situations in which one person goes as far as ignoring reality. He or she firmly believes that the other person has all the qualities of a perfect partner and that they will eventually surface.

In psychology this phenomenon is called "magical thinking". Basically it means that a person believes (not consciously, but behaves in such a way) that wanting something very bad will eventually make it come true.

This king of thinking is characteristic for two groups of people:

All young kids, who are just beginning to discover the cause-and-effect links in the world and their own position in it, are initially confused about their own potency. When their self-consciousness is not fully developed and the link between themselves and the outer world is still confusing, magical thinking is a perfectly natural stage of development. This is why children who are in danger often hide and cry instead of trying to escape. They believe that if they want hard enough, the danger will go away.

Magical thinking is also characteristic for people in toxic, abusive relationships. This it what makes them suffer spousal abuse and forgive infidelity. They are sometimes so blinded that their testimony is intended to defend their spouses in court in legal cases concerning domestic violence. They say "he/she beat me, but I deserved it." "he/she is not a bad person, they are just undergoing a phase". They prefer to blame themselves than to open their eyes and see that the person they love does not exist; that the desirable traits they see in their partner are just a product of their imagination.

Isn't it exactly what Dean does?

Hot off the press thought:

Season 11 episode 3

Until two weeks ago I firmly believed that Dean's relationship with Castiel ended in season 8. The third episode of the newest season shows there is hope.

I will write more about this in my final, concluding mini-essay. For now let me just point out that what happened after Rowena removed her spell confirms what I have written above: Dean still believes in Castiel. He believes in him so blindly that he prefers to blame himself for what has happened than to admit that Castiel screwed up for the n-th time (which he did).

This situation resembles a really hardcore, love-the-way-you-lie type of relationship.

Just think. They are living a story told by the song I quote below. Could it ever, in any circumstances, in any universe, concern friends?

_On the first page of our story_

_The future seemed so bright_

_Then this thing turned out so evil_

_I don't know why I'm still surprised_

_Even angels have their wicked schemes_

_And you take that to new extremes_

_But you'll always be my hero_

_Even though you've lost your mind_

_[Chorus:]_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's all right because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's all right because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie_

_Rihanna/Eminem "Love the way you lie"_


	8. Castiel's sexuality

All right. It's gotten a bit dark in the previous mini-essay. Before I try to conclude my thoughts, there are still two more fields to explore. Castiel's sexuality is one of them.

I hope I managed to convince you that Castiel harbors a deep affection and veneration for Dean in my first mini-essay. There is certainly a profound bond between them; a bond that is much more complicated and ardent than friendship.

I also hope I managed to convince you that Dean may be sexually attracted to a man and that his needs or tastes predispose him to fall for Castiel.

There is one final condition these two have to meet. Basically, it takes two to tango.

What exactly does it mean that an angel is sexual; what does it mean that he or she has a certain sexual orientation?

Castiel's gender

Judeo-Christian lore generally presents angels as beings who are not only genderless, but don't even resemble humans - except for the lowest rank of them. The angels that roam Earth look like humans and they seem to have gender. At least the angels who visited Lot in Sodom were male.

In the SPN universum angels who are not currently inhabiting a vessel are "multidimensional wavelengths of celestial intent". They do not have any sex organs because they don't have their own bodies, but they seem to have a gender if by the term we mean a certain aspect of identity and personality.

Firstly, they have male and female names. They refer to one another "brother" and "sister".

Secondly, they seem to have a strict preference when it comes to choosing a person they posses. It is said many times that it is extremely difficult for an angel to find a durable vessel who will agree on angelic possession. If it is so difficult, why do angels put extra effort in finding a vessel of the corresponding sex? It indicates that their own gender is an important aspect of their identity.

To sum up: I think it is reasonable to claim that Castiel is a male in every sense of this word.

Is Castiel sexual?

He's had at least 4 women, but we learn that he had sex with one of them when he was deprived of his grace and thoroughly human. There is one more scene that suggests that Castiel's sexuality as a human is different from his sexuality as an angel. When he walks down a crowded street, he can't refrain from staring at a woman's breasts. This basic urge puzzles him.

This would indicate that Castiel is asexual as an angel and therefore the newly discovered human instincts are confusing and foreign to him.

There are, however, some hints indicating that he is sexual as an angel as well. Let's consider his encounters with women that are unequivocally shown on screen.

Writing about Castiel's sexuality is not possible without referring to the  _last night on Earth_  brothel scene. The angel is visibly aroused and intimidated by the sight of a half-naked prostitute. His awkward straightforwardness eventually prevents him from having sex with Chastity, but he knows exactly what she wants from him.

It is possible that Castiel's sexual desires are somehow blunted or inhibited when he is an angel. You have to admit that there is a difference between staring at a fully clothed random passer-by and being aroused by the sight of a slender, beautiful young woman in sexy lingerie.

Writing about Castiel's sexuality is not possible without referring to the  _pizza man_  scene either. One could argue that this scene shows that Castiel knew nothing about the birds and the bees. I beg to differ. It only shows that Castiel found porn cliches implausible and awkward. I agree that he might have been naive thinking that sex is a type of behavior reserved for people who love each other, but when you think about it - he had a point. Even nowadays, when extramarital sex is perfectly acceptable, we tend to have sex with people we finnd at least amiable and appealing. Even the most promiscuous people feel that porn cliches are unrealistic and one has to "wear improbability filter" to watch clips about a pizza man banging a babysitter. All the _pizza man_  scene proves is that Castiel does not understand porn... And duh, he understands nothing he sees on TV.

Moreover, Castiel as Emmanuel has a wife. He is a fully powered angel when he marries Daphne. We know little about their relationship. Presumably, Daphne is very religious, but even if this is the case, is it extremely unlikely that a wife and a husband did not consummate the marriage.

Then there comes April. They have sex and their conversation afterwards implies it was Castiel's first time, but it is never explicitly stated (not even in Cas's conversation with Dean and Sam, but I'll get to it).

There are several possible explanations that can reconcile Castiel's marriage with Daphne and his one-night-stand with April

Of course it could simply be the show's inconsistency. SPN's script is not a revelation given by an infallible god. It is great and well thought through, but there are errors in every human work. This discrepancy might be one of them.

There is a possibility that Daphne was so religious that she vowed chastity even after the wedding.

It is also possible that Castiel's sex with Daphne was dull and mechanical. He was an angel (with blunted sexuality), she was an extremely religious woman - probably inexperienced. The one-night-stand with April could simply be the first time when Castiel really enjoyed sex. Asking if he's done everything right also does not have to mean that he was inexperienced. I guess it's a natural thing to say after a snatch.

Later, Castiel reveals he's had sex with April in one of the funniest and most slashy scenes in the whole show. He states that his time with April was educational, because he's learned the nature of hedonism. It does not have to mean it was his first time. It may have been the first time he succumbed to hedonism and had enjoyable sex with a stranger.

Perhaps it is Castiel's attempt to draw Dean's attention to the fact that he is sexual and desirable... Or, simply speaking, to make Dean jealous. Castiel had no occasion to talk to Dean about his sexual experience with Daphne, because things were extremely rough between them (unless they had enough time for a little heart-to-heart during long sleepless nights on that white beach by that river in Purgatory).

Dean's reaction indicates that this strategy works. Sam is a bit astonished, but proud. He rises his eyebrows and nods as if he wanted to congratulate Cas. Dean, on the other hand, is mad.

_Digression:_

_I think we all owe big kudos to the whole trio for this scene. Jensen, Misha and Jared did a great job hinting their character's thoughts and feelings. The whole scene is focused on the tension between Dean and Cas, while Sam is an awkward, oblivious third wheel. Notice how Cas stares right into Dean's eyes and how tense he is when he hints that he's had sex with April ("my time with April was very educational"). Then, when he looks at Sam he seems more at ease and less serious. He explains exactly what he meant by the previous statement. It's because intense staring and speaking in riddles is their thing with Dean. Cas has to be straightforward when he talks to Sam, but he is neither abashed nor tense, because what Sam thinks about his sexual life does not really matter. Then, Dean starts up and approaches Cas in a way that I'd describe as threatening. He shushes Sam and makes a gesture that is clear-cut: Sam is an intruder; Dean does not want him to intervene, because it's something between Cas and him. Later, he chokes back his anger because he remembers that he has no right to scold Cas or make a scene because... Yes, I've mentioned it so many times already. They break up by the end of season 8. Cas is not Dean's lover anymore, so this one-night-stand with April was not cheating. Dean is sincere and expressive when he follows his emotion and proceeds to ream Cas out for infidelity. Then remembers that he has no right to do it immediately becomes tense and guarded._

_End of digression._

Castiel's relationship with Hannah is a settler. It's not an interspecies relationship. No human is involved. Nonetheless, Hannah and Castiel recognize their relationship as something romantic and sexual on their own accord. They recognize it as cheating on the man married to Hannah's vessel. They chose not to pursue this feeling, but they are perfectly aware of its nature.

What is Castiel's sexuality?

The relationships with women I mentioned above could indicate that Castiel is straight - both as an angel and as a human. There is little evidence that it could be otherwise, but there are two hints.

When Castiel becomes God, he says he is indifferent to sexual orientation. It means that at least he is not homophobic or that same-sex relationships are not forbidden by his religion. It could also suggest that the previous God forbade same-sex relationships and it was one of Castiel's first concerns to declare this new order - maybe because he was personally concerned?

In "The End" Past!Dean finds Cas preparing for an orgy with 4 women. He jokes "what, are you a hippie now?" Cas answers "I thought you'd gotten over trying to label me". In a situation that is clearly erotic using the word  _label_  immediately brings an association with labeling as in  _determining sexual orientation_. It could mean that Cas doesn't want to be labeled. Perhaps they've had arguments about his sexuality with Dean (who likes to know where he stands). It could mean that Cas thinks Dean should know his sexual preferences. In any case it means that Cas does not agree with being unequivocally  _labeled_  as straight.

I'd like to point out that my dilatation about Daphne and April and Castiel's sexual experience holds even if we agree that Dean and him became lovers very early. I won't go into details, but mechanics of gay sex and heterosexual sex differ. Even if Castiel and Dean made love to each other, Cas could still be inept with women (Daphne) or surprised by the pleasure sex can bring (April).

Is Castiel attracted to Dean?

There is no scene implying that Castiel was ever interested in another man - by another I mean other than Dean. But are there scenes suggesting Castiel is attracted to Dean? I believe so.

There are three kinds of behavior Castiel shows towards Dean and towards Dean only, especially in seasons 4 to 6. These are: personal space intrusion, staring and kinda-trying-to-confess-he-loves-Dean.

Much has been written about personal space intrusion and staring. This behavior was sometimes ascribed to the fact that Castiel is an angel and human social standards are foreign to him, but notice that Cas doesn't intrude other people's personal space; nor do other angels do it in anyone's presence. Staring is also reserved for Dean and Cas.

What about kinda-trying-to-confess-his-love? There are 3 lines that I believe are intended to convey this message. Castiel's hints would be almost blatantly obvious to anyone more observant than Dean, but Dean is just Dean: a man with a heart of gold and observational powers of a brick.

1) My superiors are beginning to question my sympathies

2) I would give anything not to have you do this

3)I did it, all of it, for you

Let's consider Castiel's overall situation. He may know more about sex than we think, but it is still an ocean of murky waters for him. Not to mention human emotionality, customs and things as casual as idioms and pop-culture references. He is a 100% newbie in human world. We would expect such a person to behave a bit like a kid.

Dean is an experienced lover and a lady-killer. He uses a thoroughly different set of methods to get Castiel's attention, such as pickup lines (which do not work on someone who does not understand them).

Castiel, on the other hand, uses clumsy, sketchy hints. His confessions are not explicit, but the message behind them is momentous and grand; even a bit histrionic. It's exactly what young, inexperienced people do when they feel their his first sexual and romantic needs, but have no idea what to do about them. They arrange coincidental situations to test their crush's reaction to physical closeness, or they impose physical closeness. They come up with dramatic, histrionic confessions but word them in a way that allows for an alternative interpretation - a backup plan in case the crush is not interested. And they stare. They endlessly, intensely, hopelessly stare...

I believe it explains why we never see Castiel flirt or make a move. He couldn't. He wouldn't know how to do it. Instead, he stands inches from Dean, looks him in the eyes with that ardent, breathtaking intensity and confesses that he's died for him and him only.


	9. Sam, disconcerted

The second major thread I'd like to discuss is Sam's point of view. He is an important witness and reader of Dean's behavior and Dean's interactions with Cas, but his own attitude towards the angel says much. Let me sketch it out:

Sam and Cas:

The younger Winchester meets Castiel a bit later than Dean and Bobby. During their first encounter Sam is bouncing off the walls; he's outgoing and positively disposed.

We know that Sam is a believer. Of course he'd be excited to meet an angel of the Lord. The problem is that there are two angels in the room, but Sam is excited to meet only one of them. He emphasizes it by mentioning he's heard so much about Castiel. Moreover, he doesn't show signs of veneration or religious rapture. He reacts exactly in the way a guy would react to meeting someone his sibling or friend can't stop talking about. Sam desperately wants Cas to like him back. While introducing himself he is uneasy, but hopeful. He's petrified by Cas's reluctance to shake his hand (and you have to admit that their acquaintanceship does not start well).

In seasons 4 Cas spends much more time with Dean alone than with both brothers and there are no open, friendly conversations between the angel and the younger Winchester. Information about Castiel's death in Chuck's kitchen does not affect Sam at all. There is one situation in season 5 in which Sam asks for Cas's help; the voicemail he leaves for the angel is curt and full of awkward pauses, like it was not natural for Sam to even address Cas. During their meeting they are both tense and they get down to business immediately.

In the beginning of season 6 Winchesters face another mystery and try to ask for Castiel's help. We learn that Sam has been trying to reach the angel and got no response, which leads him to a conclusion that Cas refuses to answer his prayers because he is a selfish sonofabitch. Let's retrace his train of thought. Sam knows that Cas has been killed for helping Winchesters. Twice. Perhaps he knows that Raphael has beef against the renegade angel. He is not an idiot, so he must presume that after averting the Apocalypse, locking Michael in the Cage and spreading rumors of God's death Heaven is in disarray. He knows that angels are generally pretty brutal for their own kind; torture and murder are their methods of choice when resolving their domestic disagreements. Yeah, there's no way that Castiel is in trouble that prevents him from answering Sam's prayer.  _He is unresponsive because he is a sonofabitch and doesn't give a rats ass about the Winchesters._  Sam's judgment is no longer a sign that he does not know Cas well. Sam dislikes the angel.

Seasons 7 and 8 are charged with repercussions of Castiel's betrayal from season 6. While the Winchesters fight Leviathans and strive to find God's Word Dean is torn apart by extreme emotions while Sam is rather distanced and cool with the whole situation. He's not thrilled by the fact that Castiel is alive; not really liking him, not really hating. Of course it's because it was Dean whom Cas hurt the most...

...by resurrecting him soulless and making him hurt people, then breaking the wall in his mind and letting him remember Lucifer's torture from the Cage. Wait, what?

I got so used to thinking that it was Dean whom Castiel wronged in season 6 that I almost forgot to stop and think about what really happened. The angel hurt Sam. He killed many angels. Eventually he screwed Crowley over. He did nothing that would personally concern Dean.

The problem is that Sam treats the betrayal as something he could have expected as a natural part of his life (and certainly something he could have expected from _that damned dude that turned Dean's head_ ). Changing allegiances, secrets, betrayals - it's no novelty to a Winchester. His reaction in seasons 7 and 8 is a prolonged version of his reaction to the fact that Castiel answered Dean's prayer and not his. A huff, a sneering remark, eventually a shrug.  _Cas is a sonofabitch. I've never liked him anyway. I don't know what I expected. Yeah, whatever._

When Cas finally turns to the dark side it is Sam who's nearly killed, but it is Dean whose heart is broken. He is the only one to try to plead with Cas when reasoning brings no effect. Sam and Bobby explain their point of view and when it proves ineffective, they immediately strike Cas off the list of their allies. They are sad and disappointed, but not really cut-up. Like I said: a huff, a sour grimace, a shrug.  _Sh*t happens._  Dean is the only one to believe Castiel would refrain from obtaining unlimited power just because someone begged him not to do it.

Let's consider seasons 9 and 10. According to SPN timeline it's been six years since these two met, and Sam still does not seem to feel at ease in Cas's presence. They are practically strangers. They don't seem to like each other, which is manifested by the awkwardness in their interactions while they work to save the man they both care for from the Mark of Cain. It's the situation that forces them to talk more openly and finally break the ice. Surprisingly for both of them, they find things they have in common. I'd say that Cas finally grows on Sam - not as an ally, not as someone he can trust, but simply as a person. It means that their initial chilliness towards each other was caused by something else than a personality clash. It was the situation that prevented them from becoming friends earlier, not their natures. Perhaps it has a wee bit to do with the fact that Dean is no longer obsessed with Castiel. Sam does not feel jealous anymore, so he can finally see past the fact that Castiel stole his brother's heart and really get to know him.

I've discussed the matter because it fits a scheme that we've seen only a few more times. Usually the Winchesters are one when it comes to interacting with people, especially with friends. There are few persons that one of the brothers likes and the other dislikes and - guess what - except for Gordon and Benny (and I've already explained the ambiguity of Dean's relations with these two) it is always a lover of one of the boys that the other dislikes.

Sam about Dean and Cas:

Whenever I watch fan-made clips with captions, I always stumble upon "awkward Sam in the background". Whenever Dean interacts with Cas, Sam is left out. He isn't even trying to mix in. Quite the contrary. Even if the situation requires him to react to Castiel's behavior, Sam would always look at Dean first, as if asking what  _he_  was going to do about  _his_  angel.

Season 8 brings important changes. First of all, when Castiel reappears, the younger brother is fully focused on Dean's reaction. Sam does not have any deep feelings for the angel, but he hopes that his miraculous return will end Dean's grieving and prevent him from slowly giving in to insanity (keep it in mind that Dean kept seing Cas, he's been haunted by the memory and mad with pain). When he notices that Dean is not happy to see Cas again, Sam is disappointed, perhaps even a bit nervy. _Dude, you've been blubbering for him every night. Now that he's back you should be happy, stop whining and giving me hell. Why are you nitpicking? I don't get it._

Throughout season 8 Sam is left out from Dean's interaction with Castiel, but he is no longer left out from Dean's relationship with Cas. I presume that seeing how devastated Dean was by Castiel's betrayal and alleged death finally opened Sam's eyes to how important the angel is for his brother. Sam still does not socialize with Cas, but he talks to Dean about Cas. He tries to talk to his brother about his grief, his mistrust, his broken heart.

He is confused and outraged by Dean's confession he's been praying to Castiel in 8x17. He doesn't seem to approve of his brother's inability to get over it. He still doesn't understand how vulnerable Dean is; how much Cas can hurt him. Sam doesn't get it until the final scene of 8x17, when he finally openly offers to talk to Dean about his feelings towards Cas. Of course the older Winchester is extremely withdrawn, so Sam does not get the full picture.

In 8x22 Dean and Cas have an argument in front of Sam. It's not particularly fierce; I'd rather say it's sad. The way they talk and the way Dean crams a lot - and by "a lot" I mean "a lot" - of meaning into a few curt sentences indicates that Cas and him are really close; that there are undertones and hidden agendas meant only for Cas to understand (You didn't trust me? You didnt trust  _Me_?). There is a moment when Sam wants to join the conversation, but he chokes his words back and stares at the table in front of him, frowning in confusion. It's the moment he realizes there is just too much tension and undertones in this quarrel for it to be simply a quarrel between friends; a quarrel that would concern him. It takes him a while to process this discovery. When he is convinced that this is a private conversation and should not take place before his eyes, he grunts to remind Dean and Cas about his presence. They get the message. They both clam up.

In "Hunteri Heroici" Team Free Will members have a casual conversation while drinking beer. Dean and Cas talk about April - the reaper who killed the angel. They are obviously bantering and teasing. The whole conversation would be absolutely inconspicuous if it was not for Sam's reaction. Not only does he feel left out. He's confused, I'd even say poleaxed. No matter how hard I try, there is only one explanation for his reaction that comes to my mind. Sam knows a little about Dean's relationship with Castiel, but Dean does not keep him up to date or give any detailed account for his actions. Sam does not know if Dean is OK with Cas having sex with someone else because they have broken up (which Sam  _kinda_  witnessed) and Dean doesn't care anymore or because they have sorted it out. He even has reasons to suspect that there is a hissy temper tantrum brewing behind these smirks and eye rolls. He remembers that when Castiel mentioned having sex with April for the first time Dean was hacked off and jealous... and then Cas left. He decides to get out of the way before he gets caught in the middle of another _I'm not sure if it's a marital argument, oh, God, what am I doing here_ , so he goes to get another round.

There are fans arguing that Sam is perfectly aware of Dean's relationship with Cas and even approves of it. I wouldn't go that far. I believe that it's Sam's utter bafflement that suggests the nature and importance of that relationship. Sam knows his brother through and through. He knows exactly how Dean deals with friends and how he deals with women; how he mourns a friend and how he bounces back from breakups. The power of Dean's feeling for Cas is something Sam can't comprehend. Dean behaves in a way he's never behaved before. Sam respects it. He feels for his brother when Cas hurts him. He tries to offer help, but he doesn't know what's going on. It suggests that Castiel is not Dean's friend, because Sam would know how to console Dean after a friend's death or dissuade him from trusting a friend. Neither is he Dean's hookup, because Sam would know there's no need to offer solace after loosing a random lover. Castiel is the love of Dean's life and Sam had no idea what is going on, because obviously Dean has never loved anyone the way he loves Cas.


	10. It's all about us

I know I've been promising my concluding mini-essay for weeks, but there are so much thoughts swarming in my head that I have to shove a couple more chapters before I'm ready to tie all the lose ends and present my concluding mini-essay. Hang on! 

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Surely nobody doubts that there is a profound bond between Castiel and Dean. The question is whether sex or infatuation has anything to do with it. I will not try to argue that they reach the home run or enjoy horizontal hula on Impala's backseat. Nonetheless I will try to convince you that there is too much irrationality, self-centeredness and gut reactions that distort their perception for it to be mere friendship.

Like I wrote in my first mini-essay, Castiel loses his mind completely for Dean and perceives the problems he faces in ridiculously distorted proportions; up to the point when Dean's emotional blackmail drives him to self-immolation. I've covered the events of Season 4. Let's move on and consider Dean's attitude too.

In 5x18 Cas and Dean have their most heated argument. The angel makes mincemeat out of Dean for his decision to say yes to Michael. In her  _SPN thoughts_  Lurea suggests that Dean's decision to say yes is attributable to the need to protect Cas. I'd rather veer towards an opinion that Dean wants to protect Sammy, but that's not the point.

Castiel's reaction is very interesting. It's extremely emotional. Firstly, he laces into Dean by beating him nearly to death. Later... Well, he practically commits suicide.

When Sam, Dean and Cas break into the Green Room to save Adam, Cas goes in first with an angel banishing sigil carved on his chest to fix the guards. Before entering the shed he quite openly tells Dean that it will probably kill him, but he prefers death to watching Dean fall.

I know that the scene was designed mainly to salute fans with a badass shirtless Misha Collins moment, but let's focus on the plot for now and leave admiring the surprise-sexiness-and-badassery-popping-out-of-a-holy-tax-accountant aside.

Keep it in mind that Cas is not a regular angel. Earlier in the same episode we see him effortlessly finish off 2 angels that ambush him by Adam's grave. He does something funny with the angel blade and uses his left hand in fencing. I know the scene is lame and badly filmed (TBH all fighting scenes in SPN are lame), but the thing is that he is a skilled swordsman. He has the reflex, agility, strength, quick-thinking, clear-headedness and basically everything it takes to make him a great warrior. He is the guy angels chose to accomplish an impossible mission in Hell. While rescuing Dean Castiel commanded a garrison; he obviously led the charge medieval-knight-style rather than gave orders by a walkie-talkie from the safety of H.Q. It was his handprint on Dean's arm which means he was the first to break through to the Pit. Before he started to behave in a queer way, he had Uriel - the heaven's Tsar Bomb designed for _leveling f*cking cities_  - on his leash. He's the John Rambo/Horatio Nelson of Heaven.

Of course trying to take 5 angels in a hand-to-hand combat would be risky, but he could at least try. Hell, Winchesters could try fixing some holy oil molotovs or pull another trick like they usually do. It was difficult, but manageable. Instead of simply trying to fight, Castiel chooses to go kamikaze. As it was not enough, he makes sure that Dean knows that he kills himself because Dean let him down. Aww, our sweet emotional blackmail and guilt-tripping.

If it was only about Castiel doubting that Dean could bear the burden of responsibility and help averting the Armageddon, the angel would probably try to find another solution. He would give up on Dean, but keep on trying to save the world in a different way. It is not the case. Cas gives up entirely because it is not the world that he cares about. It's Dean and only Dean. From the moment Castiel learns that Dean is just a broken and burnt out shell of a man - someone he cannot love - his life has no purpose.

In the whole performance Dean seems to be on the same page with Castiel. Whatever they have, it runs both ways. He is not shocked by Cas's hysterical behavior. He gets it. However unnatural and un-strategic it might seem, Dean is understands that the world ending, people dying and basically the most important moment of human history is somewhere in the background while what really matters is his relationship with the angel. He does not try to convince the angel to _nut up_  and keep fighting. He understands that he has screwed up and broken Castiel's heart; that Cas has nothing to fight for anymore.

In 5x21 it turns out that kamikazing into the Green Room did not kill Castiel. It merely made him human. He wakes up in a hospital - wounded, confused, in pain. The first thing he does is calling Dean to apologize. The conversation begins with them talking about Castiel's situation and health, but it's Dean asking questions and Cas answering. The apology, though said by the end of the conversation, is the only thing Cas says on his own accord.

Another interesting proportion-distortion is demonstrated by the end of season 7/beginning of season 8.

From a bitter, but honest conversation Dean has with Emmanuel we learn that Castiel's betrayal is the only thing Dean can't stop thinking about. He's been to Hell, he's been forced to torture people. He's been lied to and betrayed by Sam. He was burdened with the awareness that his father went to Hell for him (and we know that Dean was not grateful for it, claiming that John did it for his own peace without thinking about emotional consequences for Dean). He started the Apocalypse. Generally he's been screwed over and hurt countless times in every way possible, but Cas's betrayal is the  _only thing he can't get over._

After regaining his memory Castiel decides to take Sam's hallucinations and pain to heal the younger Winchester and redeem himself. It's not enough to grant him Dean's forgiveness, even though Sammy is the center of Dean's universe and every deed for or against Sam grants Dean's gratitude or wrath tenfold. It isn't until that fateful conversation about being cursed that he finally opens himself to forgiveness.

There are two more moments that allow Dean to change his mind.

Firstly, the hunt for Dick Roman. There is a moment when Dick charges at Dean; Cas pushes the hunter back to cover him with his own body. Of course they had this wicked plan with a fake bone etc but Dean's confusion proves that Castiel's taking a blow for Dean was not a part of it.

Secondly, during their encounter in Purgatory Castiel reveals that he has turned himself into bait to lure Leviathans away from Dean.

These two deeds seal the deal. Dean is wholeheartedly pro-Cas again. Compared to taking Sam's torture these two risky situations meant very little, but it was what Dean needed to finally forgive Cas. He needed something that Cas would do only for him; excluding Sam from this balaclava sheet means something.

In 8x07 the tables turn. It is Castiel now who is rational, if only slightly. Dean is blinded by conflicted emotions. Castiel reveals that he stayed in Purgatory in order to do penance and that it wasn't Dean's responsibility to free him. He tries to teach Dean that he cannot burden himself with guilt and responsibility for every calamity. Admittedly he does it in a very unsympathetic, awkward way. Anyway, Dean pays no attention to the psychological guidance Castiel tries to offer. He is 100% focused on emotions. He nearly bursts into tears because Castiel ignored and hurt his  _feelings_. There is zero rationality in Dean's reaction, though it is absolutely justified if we take the emotional angle. Cas reveals that he didn't take Dean's love into consideration; that he chose to stay in Purgatory even if it meant countless sleeples nights when Dean had to cry out his guilt, misery and longing. It is one of really few scenes where we see Dean fall apart. Again, this tough warrior who welcome the threat of Hell with a shrug is vulnerable to the pain Castiel is unknowingly inflicting on him. His eyes become misty, his chin twitches. It is a reaction of a helpless child that is about to burst into tears because it has no idea what is going on... all it knows it that it was  _hurt_.

My point here is that the bond between Dean and Castiel is something else than friendship and that they both feel the same way. Friendship is rather rational and deliberate; it is based on correspondence of personalities and consistency of interests and outlooks. It could help people cooperate when completing a mission, but it would not obliterate their primary goals. Friendship has boundaries. Friendship does not make people that vulnerable or irrational. Friendship does not force people to forgive wrongdoings no matter the price. Friendship does not leave people shattered and confused. The relationship between Dean and Cas is based on something much more primeval, biological and instinctive; something that messes with their heads and overrides reason.

Of course Dean includes Cas in the family. The phrase _family does not end with blood_  is one of the most important messages the show convey. But what is the nature of this familiar bond?

There is one other person whom Dean considers family. Bobby. The man who practically raised him and acted as a foster father. It took years to form the bond. It is based on care, gratitude and justified trust.

With Cas it took months to form the bond. It is based on... Well, it has no basis except for the fact that Dean and Cas apparently cannot live without each other. I'd even risk a statement that the bond is keeping them on a leash despite the fact that each of them would be better off without the other.

So they have a familiar relationship though they are not related by blood; a relationship that formed very quick and that is irrational, based on instincts and an irresistible, compelling attraction of whatever nature. Doesn't it sound a bit like a description of marriage?


	11. No need to read between the lines

Hansel and Gretel were able to come home and avoid a terrible fate thanks to a trail of breadcrumbs. It wasn't a line painted on the path. It wasn't a trail of red dots or poles. Breadcrumbs are small and not brightly colored. They can be easily overlooked by someone who doesn't know they are there. Only those who deliberately look for them can spot them.

Let's follow our trail of breadcrumbs - lines, scenes or even single shots that indicate that Dean and Cas are a couple or at least are in love with each other.

I'll start with season 5, which is one of the most slashy seasons. There are many shots showing Dean and Cas touch each other, stand alarmingly close to each other, stare at each other's lips. Moreover, the "Supernatural" musical that explores the nature of Destiel retells the events of season 5.

Throughout season 4 Castiel's allegiance remains unclear. He is torn between loyalty to Heaven and wanting to help the Winchesters. Dean proves his trust in Cas numerous times, yet sometimes he gets let down. I believe it is what keeps them apart. Soon after their heated argument in the Green Room Dean learns from Chuck that Castiel has indeed died. It is the ultimate proof of courage and loyalty. When the angel reappears, Dean feels he can finally trust him fully... and that's when the good stuff begins.

_Digression:_

_There is one thing I absolutely love about Supernatural. The authors smash the principle of decorum. There are scenes that are comical and heart-wrenching at the same time. There are short in which one actors plays comedy or grotesque, while another plays psychological drama._

_The scene in which Chuck informs Sam and Dean that Castiel was killed by Raphael is one of such wonderfully polished pearls. Chuck's reaction is hilarious; he is obviously traumatized by the fact that a guy blew up like a water balloon of chunky soup in his kitchen. He stands on one side of the "stage", telling his story in his usual whiny, cowardly manner that simply has to make you laugh. On the other side there is Dean, who is shown in dull colors and blurred; he mourns the death of his friend with quiet dignity. In the middle there is Sam, who acts as buffer or even a prop dividing the "stage" into two areas: area of comedy and area of tragedy._

_Castiel's mollar acts as an agent that brings these two words together and breaks the division. For Chuck it is a disgusting piece of human corpse. For Dean it is a part of his friend's remains. The clash is difficult in reception; perhaps it even makes you cringe a bit, but it makes the whole scene electrifying and unforgettable._

_End of digression._

* * *

 

Note for later: Keep in mind that Supernatural is a work created by people who respond to the needs of the audience and remold the script if they see a potential in a certain thread. Castiel was supposed to appear only in season 4. He died in the last episode. Everything was tickey-boo until the authors realized how much potential there was in the clash between Misha and Jensen and decided to resurrect the angel. And there you have it: the shipping in full bloom in season 5.

* * *

 

First breadcrumb: Thelma and Louise:

I'd risk a statement that Dean's mentioning Thelma and Louise is an explicit flirtation. Firstly, note Dean's body language. If a guy approached a woman this way, treading stiffly on slightly spread legs, straightened up, opening his arms and with his chest out she'd either spill a drink over his head or let him drive her home. There are many scenes when Dean's or Castiel's body language is ambiguous, but this one leaves no doubt. Secondly, Dean looks tense in anticipation after saying this memorable sentence. Having seen no spark of understanding in Cas he sighs, visibly disappointed. I don't think he would be that disappointed by the fact that his brilliant joke did not get the applause it deserved. More like he acted on a whim and intended to hit on Cas, but worded it in a way that was usual for him (a pop-culture reference) and belatedly realized it made no sense.

Second breadcrumb: Cupid

Observing Dean and Castiel's reactions to Cupid and the presence of Famine is very interesting. As we know, Dean is not affected. He explains he is well fed, but the Horseman of Apocalypse reveals his secret: Dean does not want anything, because he is dead inside. If Dean was really dead inside and devoid of any desires, he wouldn't enjoy music, a good meal or nice company. Again, if burgers, whiskey and prostitutes were enough to satisfy all his needs it would mean he was a crude, thoughtless caveman. We know he isn't.

The truth might lay in the middle. He has no unsatisfied desires concerning food, drink, casual sex and simple entertainment and in this sense he is indeed well fed. His more profound needs may be hidden and squashed so deep that even the power of Famine does not suffice to break the wall Dean has built around them. From the reactions of other victims we learn that Famine's influence drives them to satisfy rather simple needs and to do it when the solution is easily available (there are willing couples going at each other, but no people going at their unrequited crushes; people eat whatever is within reach without). Therefore I do not believe that Famine was powerful enough to let the most intimate desires surface.

Castiel yields to his vessel's desire for red meat. Perhaps because love is something he doesn't know yet, or perhaps it is something he doesn't really want. Earlier in the same episode Cupid says "I love love, I love it and if that's wrong I don't wanna be right". Cas responds "Yes. Yes. I have no idea what you're saying." There are 3 possible ways to interpret this line:

1) He simply dislikes Cupid and wants to banter with him. Admittedly his antipathy is clearly visible, but bantering is not Cas's thing.

2) He has no idea what love means. The problem is that he knows. Loving and caring is what brought him to disobey Heaven. In further seasons many angels express the same opinion about Castiel. He is certainly capable of understanding love and loving.

3) He doesn't understand how one can _love_ love. So far love has caused nothing but suffering. He even died because of it. Even though he has been resurrected, dying is certainly not a pleasant experience. Therefore it is safe to assume that Cas perceives love as a source of pain, fear and confusion. He obviously could not understand how anyone can _love_ love.

Third breadcrumb: Dirty talk

Due to the fight between our boys and Castiel's reaction to Dean's betrayal episode 5x18 is one of the most important when discussing their relationship. "By a coincidence" it is also the episode in which two most sexual lines are delivered. I mean "You know what"? Blow me, Cas" and "Not for nothing, but last person that looked at me this way I got laid."

I don't have much to say about the first line. Dean is mad at Cas. Cas is mad at Dean. He taunts him (in a very sarcastic way - where did he learn that). Sexual innuendos suggesting a passive role of the interlocutor are a very popular insult among men, so it feels like a comeback Dean would use on anyone during an argument.

_...except that a shot showing the same setting and Ackles performing a "blowjob" gesture, then pointing at Misha and himself and giving the viewer the eye was included in the gag reel. Just... Something to think about._

The second line, hovewer, is pretty thought-provoking. The timing is important. Cas is still mad at Dean, but Dean does not yet know how deeply the angel is hurt and disillusioned. He doesn't know yet that Cas is suicidal. Dean knows that the situation is tense and he presumes that he'd probably have to do more things that will infuriate the angel (like banishing him). If Cas was his lover, Dean would probably try to convey something along the lines of: _Don't give me that look, honey. We're knee dip in shit and it's gonna get worse, but when it's over we'll have a heart to heart and make amends. We'll work it out._

He says: "Not for nothing, but last person who looked at me this way I got laid."

There is an option that this line was meant to hurt Cas even more, to ridicule his love for Dean and demean him, but it would be a really Neanderthal dick move. Dean is many things, but he is not cruel.

I think that this line is an attempt to lighten the atmosphere and appease Cas. It's stupid, it's a bit callous and sophomoric (just like Dean), but it means exactly what I've written above. Dean teases Cas, but at the same tame he tries to cheer him up. He does it with his usual masculine utter lack of sensitivity, but hell, he's trying to make amends.

... By suggesting they are going to have sex later

... One does not reconcile with a friend by suggesting they are going to have sex later.

Fourth breadcrumb: Wasn't gonna mention it

Events of Season 6 stir things up, but they also cast a new light on events of season 5.

In the third episode there's a funny scene when Dean prays to Castiel. The angel appears, which infuriates Sam, who has been praying to Castiel too. The angel explains that Dean and him share a more profound bond.

He clearly means the bond that forms between an angel and a person he saves from Hell, because obviously there is only one person Castiel has risen from Hell in that room. It's totally not like he's saved Sam from Lucifer's Cage or something.

It immediately makes one wonder: why doesn't Sam bear a handprint? Why is there no profound bond between Cas and him?

Of course revealing a handprint or a change in Castiel's attitude towards Sam would ruin the plot twist. But why emphasize the difference between Cas's attitude towards the Winchesters, when the authors could simply scratch the surface or leave the matter unaddressed? Just for the sake of comic relief?

And what does Dean's indignation and Castiel's apology mean? Dean rolls his eyes, Cas's says timidly "I wasn't gonna mention it". Does it mean that he's just blew the gaffe and revealed that Dean and him are lovers?

As if it was enough, in the same episode Cas explains that when a claim is laid on a living soul, it leaves a mark. Of course the mark Balthasar has left on the kid does not manifest itself in the form of a handprint and I surely hope Balthasar did not want to be the boy's lover, but gosh, subtext. The clash of these two ideas. Profound bond. Claim laid on a soul leaving a mark. Why now? Why this episode?

Fifth breadcrumb: "It"

In 6x20 we watch the story of Castiel's betrayal from his perspective. There are many emotional scenes in this particular episode (Dean almost crying after Cas is unable to deny his betrayal being one of my favorites). There is one particular line that strongly suggests that there is something going on.

Castiel lets it slip that he has been spying on Dean, Sam and Bobby by mentioning kryptonite in their presence - something they were talking about when he supposedly wasn't there. His comment to this scene is as follows:

"It was all over. Right then - just like that."

This line sounds funnily similar to something a cheating partner would say if caught red-handed. One single mistake that exposes the truth and puts an end to "it". Referring to a relationship as "it" is a very common behavior. Lovers say "it started", "it ended", "it is difficult". We rarely give a definite name to a relationship, because often classifying our feelings and attitudes comes difficult. Instead of struggling with words such as "being lovers", "concubinage", "dating", "sleeping together", "being friends with benefits", "being in love" we say "it" and the intention is clear.

Sixth breadcrumb: Widow

I've already written about the importance of Castiel's trench coat. Let me just repeat it, because I believe that it is an important clue, especially that it must have been done 100% deliberately.

After Castiel drowns in the water reservoir, Dean fishes his trench coat from the water, folds it and keeps it. As we know, he will be carrying it with him everywhere for following months. In the heat of running from Leviathans Dean will remember to move it from the trunk of one abandoned car to the next car he steals. The trench coat will be there when Cas finally remembers who he is.

There is a close-up showing Dean holding the coat exactly the way a flag is held on a soldier's funeral when it is handed to the widow. The arrangement of Jensen's hands is too perfect for it to be accidental... and the shot is shown twice. First we see Dean folding the coat, then the camera switches to Dean's face, then we see a two-second-long close up showing only the coat and Jensen's forearms, then the camera switches to Sam who is standing behind Dean's back, looking at him in helpless sympathy, exactly like other members of the family on a funeral. Damn me if it isn't glaring evidence.

Seventh breadcrumb: Demon's don't lie

Throughout the series it is constantly emphasized that demons lie in order to hurt or confuse the opponent.

I agree that they lie when making deals, making plans, cooperating. Nonetheless, whenever we hear a demon taunt any of the characters, he or she says nothing but the truth. It is their method of choice when inflicting emotional suffering: reveal the darkest, most painful secrets they know. Demons reveal information they gather by reading minds or learning from the dead in Hell or whatever sources they have on their disposal; generally they are well-informed and able to reach the deepest corners of subconsciousness. They do it easily, as if it lies in their nature.

When Sam, Dean and Meg are dealing with Crazy!Cas, Meg wigs Dean and says "you ask him, he was your boyfriend first". Of course it could be just a friendly poke or innocent sneering. Or maybe it's an example of a demon's natural, reflexive behavior: revealing a painful truth in order to gain advantage over the interlocutor.

Eighth breadcrumb: rejected apology

There is a scene in 8x22 when Castiel tries to apologize and make amends with Dean. I think that it is exactly the moment when Dean gives up on Cas. He is not furious anymore. I'd say he is weary and fed up. He doesn't want to fight . He says that the apology "is not gonna cut it. Not this time." He explains that he doesn't believe Castiel could ever change. He "always does" think he's doing the right thing and "always does" end up imperiling the Winchesters or hurting Dean.

Later we see Dean working with Cas, drinking with him, basically staying friends, though Cas did nothing to redeem himself. So what was this thing that ended despite Cas's apology? What was this apology not enough to save? Something ended that morning in the Bunker. If it was not Dean's cooperation with Cas, what was it?

As if it was not enough, Sam's reaction I have analyzed in #9 suggest that he realizes it is a lover's argument somewhere mid-conversation. At first he tries to horn in, but then resigns.

Once again I will address brilliant essays written by Lurea and posted on Tumblr. She noticed that there are proofs that much of Dean and Cas interaction takes place off-screen. There are references to their conversations that the audience does not witness. Dean learns to recognize the moments when Cas appears in his dreams, which suggests that there are many such encounters. In later seasons he develops a habit of praying to Castiel and perhaps the angel answers at least some of these prayers.

I am convinced that this time we are shown a real, full-on Destiel scene. No more hiding off-screen. Dean and Cas come out to Sam and the audience at the same time with ending their relationship. Why? I will explain in my next mini-essay.


	12. Author's perspective

I have already pointed out that we need to keep in mind that Supernatural is a work created by humans over the course of a few years. It was reshaped and tailored to the needs of fans thanks to the huge feedback the makers were getting. There are many proofs that SPN authors listen and respond to the needs of fans; they salute us _from the screen_ a few times, they banter with us, some of you may even feel that they _f*ck with us_. Anyway - they acknowledge us.

I'd like to stress out that the theory I present below was never confirmed by any of the SPN authors or actors, nonetheless it seems pretty plausible.

As we know, Castiel was initially meant to be a minor character. His role was extended when the authors realized how well it all come out. One of the factors that other fans analyzing SPN often mention was the amazing chemistry between Jensen and Misha. Indeed, the clash between roguish, but good-natured Dean and self-righteous, but a bit confused angel is mesmerising from the first seconds. It is difficult to tell which elements of this fabulous thread were deliberate and which were an effect of what was happening between the actors. Jensen Ackles is a very committed and skillful actor (as long as we do not take his early roles into consideration). Therefore it is safe to assume that every breath, flicker of an eyelid and undertone he puts in Dean's behavior may be intentional. On the other hand, the acquaintanceship between Misha and Jensen developed in a way pretty similar to the way friendship between Dean and Castiel developed. Ackles said that at first he thought that Collins was weird, so he tried to avoid him hoping that he won't stay with the crew for long. Later... well, we all know how they act around each other and what they say about each other. Even if half of it is meant only to tease the fans, the other half is enough to risk a statement that they're good friends.

Let's us analyze the situation in which authors found themselves when Season 4 was aired. Fans noticed that there was something going on between Dean and Castiel. Crew noticed that scenes with Jensen and Collins were lively and compelling. They had a ground in which they could anchor a thread of an ambiguous relationship between Dean and a man. They had the whole series with a lot of hints that Dean may be bisexual and a whole lot of subtext already hidden in previous episodes at their disposal.

I am fairly sure that queerbaiting was 100% intentional. The whole crew was being quizzical when asked about Destiel (and they will remain quizzical - the mystery is what attracts viewers). I've never stumbled upon any interview or quote that would either confirm or deny the romantic character of the bond between Dean and Castiel. The answers are always elusive and ambiguous, almost as if the actors, screenwriters etc. were obliged to keep the secret by their contracts.

Queerbaiting is a practice that is not uncommon. It is somewhat controversial, especially for people who believe that gay rights should be respected by showing gay relationships as something natural. I won't go into details or expose my personal views on the subject here. I merely need to point out that nearly any work that includes a gay relationship between protagonists immediately becomes gay-centered. Homosexuality is something that people notice immediately. They tend to perceive any series, movie or song through the prism of LGBT issues and so on, whether they are against or pro gay rights. Including a relationship between the protagonist and a person of the same sex would inevitably shift the center of balance. Supernatural would no longer be a ludic, adventure show about chasing ghosts. It would turn either into a sitcom, or a socially involved psychological drama.

_Digression: So far I have had the pleasure of watching only one TV series that included a gay protagonist and was not gay-centered - Spartacus. Agron, who is one of the few main characters, has a male lover (or even a husband) in seasons 2 and 3. Perhaps the fact that the storyline is set in ancient Rome removed some of social and religious issues from this thread. Anyway, Agron's sexuality doesn't seem to be a problem. His lover and him have their problems and dramas, but none of them is in any way a result of their gender. I mention it because perhaps some of you may want to check how it worked out. Warning: the series is 18+, I mean really, really 18+. End of digression._

Therefore, Dean and Cas couldn't be _unequivocally_ shown as a couple... or rather _explicitly_ shown as a couple - I draw a distinction between "unequivocal" and "explicit" because I still believe there is little ambiguity in their relationship even if scenes that seal the deal are not shown on screen. Instead of showing these two in obvious situations, authors could suggest that they are a couple by including hints that only those, who want this kind of undertone could notice. Remember what I wrote about breadcrumbs?

Indeed, Destiel subtext flourishes in Season 5. Throughout seasons 5, 6, 7 and 8 the story develops, taking a most dramatic turn. The general outline is quite similar to the thread of Winchesters' brotherhood, which constitutes the very core of the whole series. There is love, care, mistrust, lies, co-dependence, sacrifice, misunderstanding, lack of sympathy and a whole load of other difficult, dramatic emotions between Dean and Castiel, just like between Sam and Dean. The thread of their relationship gets dark, heart-wrenching, and very important.

I think that somewhere around shooting season 8 the authors realized that the rolling snowball they had started became to heavy to bear. Trend to google "Destiel" rockets about this time. Perhaps the authors got overwhelmed or even a bit frightened by what they had stared. In May, 2013 the Web witnessed the big sh*storm started by Jensen's refusal to answer a question about Dean's sexuality... was he already fed up with fans searching for homoerotic subtext? Perhaps it was high time to put it to bed.

Now, imagine that you are a SPN author. You need to somehow convince fans to hold their horses. You certainly cannot make Destiel canon by showing Dean and Cas kiss or have sex (not to mention that a sex scene it would probably be cosmically awkward for the actors and not necessarily enjoyable for fans). You don't want to scratch out years of developing the thread either, because it would create a huge psychological discrepancy. You need to tell fans: _Stop insisting, there will be no smooching between Dean and Cas on screen,_ but you need to do it in a way that won't render your past efforts meaningless. In other words you need to do a nearly impossible stunt of eating the cake and having the cake.

No matter how much I think about it, there is only one way to do it that comes to my mind. _It can be done only by showing their breakup_. This way the authors managed to:

1) Satisfy those who want Destiel to be canon by including a scene that confirms it in the show

2) Satisfy those who do not want Destiel to be canon by elegantly removing the pending sexual tension from SPN.

I must admit they did it in a wicked, but creative way. Remember what I wrote about the scene in 8x22? Dean and Castiel argue. Dean refuses to accept Cas's apology. Somewhere halfway through the conversation Sam is about to horn in, but he realizes that the argument doesn't concern him. He clears his throat in order to remind Dean and Cas that he's still there. This way he asks them not to wash their dirty linen in his presence, because breaking up is something lovers should do in private. That's it. That's the scene.

In seasons 9 and 10 the overal 'aura' around Destiel changes drastically. It is no longer a source of pain for the characters and a basis for emotional, sad scenes. It is no longer a tragic, grave thread. Destiel is now being ridiculed, as if to reinforce the message that it will no longer be explored.

First thing that I couldn't help noticing about seasons 9 and 10 was that Cas became... unlikable. His pimpmobile is embarrassing and his new trench coat is ugly. His one-liners are cringeworthy. From a badass pant-dropper (sometimes lost in a really adorable way) he turned into a derpy sugar daddy. It's like Qui-Gon Jinn turning into Jar Jar Binks. Everything happens for a reason. Misha Collins is still incredibly hot and cute, so it is not the case that the character aged badly because the actor portraying him aged... and even if it was the case, it wouldn't explain why Cas became a pathetic comic relief instead of multi-layered, tragic, complex character he used to be. How about: _Let's make Cas ugly, boring and goofy so that fans will quit shipping him with Dean_?

The second thing that I noticed are two lines that were - and I am 99% sure of it - written deliberately to make shippers start up and then grind their teeth in dismissal.

1) Dean: "Cas. Wait. I can't let you do this" When Cas is having a date. Mini heart attack - Dean will reveal his feelings and ask Cas not to go - Nah, he's just referring to the ugly vest.

2) Metatron: "His true weakness is revealed. He's in love," Major heart attack - Metatron will reveal Cas's true weakness - "In humanity" - Damn it; just one more reason to hate Metatron.

I believe that these two lines are poorly masked clues or even a taunt. This way SPN makers say to the fans: _We know what you want. It is not going to happen._

Moreover, in 10x5 there is a scene in which - for the first time in the show - the fourth wall is removed. After his conversation with the director of the musical Dean looks directly at the camera - at the fans watching the series, at us - and gives us the " _Are you f* kidding me?"_ look. It is a message for all of us: _Enough of this nonsense. Just give us a break._

After watching season 10 I was convinced there would be no more Destiel, at least not this gripping, soul-stirring Destiel we knew from seasons 5-8. Then came the scene that made the fans's hears skip a beat, when Rowena lifts her spell, Castiel collapses, then Dean looks him in the eyes, grabs his neck and with a short exchange of pained, but hopefull glances they tell each other more than can ever be said with words. Good, old "ocular intercourse". 

 

...and here we are, nearly halfway through Season 11. The Destiel thread seems to have taken another 180' turn and returned to the original overtone. It looks like Cas has got his balls back. Everything is there again: Tension. Guilttripping. Caring. Loving. Fighting. Restrained emotions. Smiling to the phone . Nearly breaking down when the other is hurt and pretending that nothing happened.

Perhaps there will be more. We shall see.

Now let me quote Hallucipher:

"Thoughts?"

* * *

**That's pretty much it. The whole series of mini-essays was leading to this conclusion. I am not changing the work status to 'complete', because there are still many more ideas swarming in my head. I think that it was the right time to tie all the loose ends and present my 'crowning argument'. I'd like to thank all of you for commenting, writing private messages, inspiring me, arguing with me, showing me any week points and new angles.**

**If anyone feels like expressing any criticism or pointing out something that I overlooked, you are most welcome to do so. I hope that your creativity and support will inspire me to write a few more mini-essays in the future.**

**Author's Note:**

> All quotes from:  
> http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Category:Transcripts


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